Will I Ever Get Over This Grief?

[Editor: The Sugars referred to in the salutation of this letter are the two authors of The Sweet Spot, a weekly column (Thursdays) in The New York Times. I was particularly impressed by their answer to this question. Out of respect for the Times copyright, I am teasing you with the question, followed by a link to The New York Times website where you can meet the Sugars and read their thoughtful response.This is a column worth following religiously].

Dear Sugars,

My sister died of a rare and aggressive disease. She was sick for 10 years, but the disease progressed quickly in the end and I never really got to say goodbye to her. By then, she couldn’t speak, so I’m not sure if she understood what we were saying to her. She was my best friend and the best person I’ll ever know.

It’s been nearly four years since she died, and I’m still completely grief stricken. I miss her every day and waves of intense sadness strike often, even when I’m at work or out with friends. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I’ve seen two therapists, but it hasn’t helped because there’s nothing I can do to change my problem. My sister is gone.

I have good parents and friends, but it isn’t enough. There’s a hole in my heart. My grief hasn’t lessened or gotten easier to deal with over the years, it’s only become stronger and harder. Sometimes I pretend my sister is still alive and I call and text her even though her phone is no longer in service. I’m not suicidal, but I honestly don’t know how to continue on in this way. Everything feels wrong. My heart aches. Will things ever get better?

Stuck in Sadness

Here’s the link to The New York Times: THE SWEET SPOT Stuck in Sadness