By Peggy Amler
It was early morning. My eyes were still shut.
I was waking up before my alarm went off.
I could tell it wasn’t quite daylight, but close to it.
I had some remnant thoughts, some vague remembrances of a dream that I was
unable to recall… blurred by my consciousness and lost in my awareness of
Everything around me was the same as it always had been; I knew this even though
my eyes were still closed.
I was in my own bed; I could tell by the feel of it.
The morning light was now beginning to filter through the window blinds; I could
My bedroom was unchanged…yet, something felt so painfully different.
A pang jolted my heart.
I was alone in my bed.
In our bed.
My husband was no longer next to me.
My dream-like state was my new reality, and my new reality felt like a dream at that
Actually, it felt more like a nightmare in the day… a daymare.
The pang that jolted my heart was a painful reminder that my husband was gone.
When will this new reality feel better?
When will this new reality no longer feel like a daymare?
It has been over two years since my husband has passed.
I open my eyes and get out of bed.
The day begins.
Life gets busy.
I guess that is good.
Yet, it is in the quiet moments that I am best able to feel my feelings.
Painful, yes, but a way to hold onto my husband.
He still touches my heart.
I miss him always.
What a treasure.