LOST AND FOUND
Peggy Amler, 2017
I have lost my way.
Going through the motions of beginning the day.
Going through the e-motions of beginning the day.
My Love is not next to me.
Memories and tears abound.
Tears cease that I might eat breakfast.
Breakfast is done.
Lists of things needing tending get written,
and I move forward with the day.
I’m not used to this way.
I feel lost.
I feel my aloneness.
How do people get through this?
The months go by.
Next a year, and more.
And then…this life begins to feel somewhat familiar…
awakening alone, going to bed alone, the quiet of the house.
…And then… I find what I what I am seeking…
I must acknowledge that I have life within me.
For whatever reason I do.
I cannot deny it.
And I begin to feel it without contempt.
It becomes a friend.
And it is OK to embrace a friend.
I celebrate in finding myself…quietly I do so,
with reserved joy, and with a degree of relief.
I am here.
I go on with the day.
Today, the sun shines from the blue sky above;
and now I can smile with it.
I was unable before.
I can lift my eyes from always looking downward, and ponder
what the day will bring.
I was unable before to accept its gifts.
I can look out of the front door and want to open it, and go outside;
before, I wanted only to keep it shut.
I can play.
I can engage.
I can make jokes, and I can laugh…sometimes surprisingly without guilt.
And I can embrace myself while embracing the memory of my Love.
I hold on to him tightly…very tightly.
And then, before I know it, it’s tomorrow.
I have things I want to do.
I think I have found my way.
And I am grateful.
This next day might not go as well as the one before, but
I have hope.
Things will never be what they were before, but
I will move forward.
Me, with myself.