AfterTalk Launches Advice on Grieving Column by Dr. Robert Neimeyer
Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, or counseling someone who is, you now have the opportunity to ask a leading authority for advice. Dr. Robert Neimeyer and AfterTalk.com have teamed up to offer advice to those in need. We invite you to ask a question about grieving with the security of anonymity and confidentiality. Simply email your question to Ask@aftertalk.com.
AfterTalk.com is devoted to helping people through life’s most difficult time – the loss of a loved one. This free, non-denominational website offers grieving support tools through writing and sharing, essays and inspirational quotes about bereavement, and now, an advice column by renowned grief and bereavement authority, Dr. Robert Neimeyer. We welcome questions from those grieving as well as those who counsel and support the grieving.
Robert A. Neimeyer, Ph.D. is one of the foremost authorities on bereavement and grief. We are honored to introduce a new feature to AfterTalk, a weekly question and answer column authored by Dr. Neimeyer. For a full biography of Dr. Neimeyer, please click here.Â
We invite you to ask questions with the security of anonymity and confidentiality. Simply email your question to Ask@aftertalk.com
how do you get over a suicide
How do I completely forgive my late husband of what I thought was a very happy and fulfilling 49 year marriage, of infidelity with sex workers for over 3 1/2 years? This knowledge along with his sudden death complicates my grief journey. So many things to sort out…why he revealed this sordid part of him just months before he died…did he tell me to punish me…what happened to him? We had just started working with a counselor to try to find these answers and then God took him. Why do I find it so very hard to come to terms with the whole situation? My head knows what he did but my heart is still so broken and instead of focusing on the happy life I had with him all I can think of is the utter betrayal of a marriage which I believed to be sacred.
Sheryl,
My first wife informed me “YOU ARE NOT HAPPY–I WANT A DIVORCE” after what I thought was a great 16 years. I found out she was screwing my sons Karate instructor and attempting to lay the blame on me.
She did me a favor–had she not divorced me I would have never met my wonderful second wife. We were together 37 years and married for 29 1/2 years till God decide he need her more than I did.
Your situation is a multi-edged sword.
Did he stray because you didn’t fulfill his needs or was he just a man with a high sex drive and no morals and decided to get it where he could. It is still unforgivable what he did and not your fault. Without knowing all the details its difficult to pass judgement. In your defense maybe it was a medical or physical issue that prevented intimacy between you maybe not.
I know in my circumstance with my wife she was suffering a debilitating NON-CURABLE–Mucosal Melanoma Cancer and she fought it for 6 1/2 years till she fractured her leg and was told she had to be in a wheelchair for the remainder of her life–her reply was “I CANT DO THAT AND I WONT PUT YOU THROUGH THAT” even though I told her I would gladly push her to the moon and back. She entered hospice and 3 days after surgery on her leg and she died after going into a coma. She told me she wanted me to find someone and be happy the rest of my life and didn’t want me to be lonesome. That is the most UNSELFISH gesture I have ever heard from anyone.
She has been gone 1 year as of January 23 ,2023—-Im looking at the concept of starting to date, but it is so foreign. She was and still is my everything at 75 years old I’m not even sure if I could allow another woman to enter my life. I will admit that I miss holding hands and snuggling as well as friendship and intimacies of all kinds. I guess we will see what time sends my way.
Best of luck Sheryl on your journey. Dont blame yourself–it takes two.