A Letter To Myself
Your David is gone. You have experienced an immeasurable loss.
Never before have you felt such deep emotional and gut wrenching pain. Keep in mind use of the word ‘experienced.’ Use that word instead of ‘suffered’ because you don’t want to get stuck in ‘suffering.’ ‘Suffering’ is not the sum total of your loss. You don’t want that to be the last thought or emotion you feel when you think about David. He meant so much more to you than that.
You were given a precious gift when David came into your life. He and the love that you had were a treasure. Your feeling of loss is as deep as the beauty and wonder of your love. Hold onto that. Better to have had that love and bear that loss than not to have had that love at all (paraphrasing Shakespeare!)
Journey on. You will find your way. Remain present and fully centered in your grief and you will figure your way. Look at the word ‘figure.’ The letter “u” (‘you’) is in the center and the remaining letters spell out grief. That’s interesting and noteworthy. ‘Figuring’ is a process. It takes time. Don’t disregard your grief, yet don’t let it blind you to all the good that is still in your life. Grief is a part of the journey, not the end product.
Life will pull you forward. As you breathe, so will you continue to live. You will not know where life will take you, but be resolute in having faith that it will bring you further joy and peace. Your family and friends will bring you happy moments and treasured memories, but they will not fill the void in your life… nor should you expect them to. You must fill that void from within with life as it is now.
Come from a place of wholeness rather than loss. You and David did not complete each other; you were two whole beings sharing one beautiful love. You have to live your life differently now, but you are still whole. You will never lose David’s love.
His love still brings you joy. It still is within you. You can feel it. You always will. Remember that when you feel lonely; it might make you feel less alone.
David would want you to be happy. Be social. Go out with family and friends when you want to. I know it will be difficult because it is impossible not to feel your loss when surrounded by couples; but don’t get stuck in ‘loss.’ Be grateful for having had the love that you and David had. Then move forward in the moment. Journey on. Life has gifts and blessings for you yet unknown. You will feel joy again. It will feel different than the joy you felt when David was by your side, but you will feel joy nonetheless.
You will not be lessening the love that you and David had by allowing yourself to feel life’s emotions. You will not be dishonoring the love that you and David had by being open to receiving life’s gifts. It is simply life playing out. And you are in it. Journey on.
Continue on with life. There are people you love, and people who love you. You have things to do day to day. You still can have a full and enriching life. You can enrich the lives of others, and they yours. You have a right to have the happiness that anyone else on this earth has. Journey on. Journey on.
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